no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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