I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
