I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
