Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
