This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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