No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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