yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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