i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
