i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize