fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
