You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
