Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
