And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
