You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They took my balls.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
