It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
