And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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