if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I smell stomach acid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
