All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
