im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
