I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
