i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
