Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize