There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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