Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
