I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
