Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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