he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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