Too much gin, very little bucket
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
