last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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