apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
