i think my tv is drunk
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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