In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize