I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
