my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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