I am in a vortex of obligation.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
