don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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