she pinky promised me she was 18
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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