Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
