So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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