He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize