dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
