I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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