Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
