I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
