You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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