So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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