Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
