fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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