I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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