Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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