just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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