Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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