she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
