i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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