I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
