Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
