Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize