you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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