i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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