So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
