I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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