I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
