Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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