If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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