i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He did a backflip because drugs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize