And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
