My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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