i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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